Cabin Fever or The Internets Got Me.

I left work early last Friday feeling like I had about three and a half elephants sitting on my chest. Ever have that feeling? Even some of my co-workers noticed something wasn't quite right with me. One was just polite enough to ask if something was wrong with my eyes. Nice. I anticipated some down time before I got the girls from school and a nice, relaxing recovery over the weekend.

No such luck.

Of course I should know better. I have kids, two of them in fact. Every mom knows what it is like when she is sick, I don't need to go into detail about it. If you don't know, go ask a mom. That said, I am no exception. So, then the most wonderful thing happened. Miss R came down with a fever Sunday night. Then Little Miss P followed suite on Tuesday afternoon. Needless to say, I haven't quite gotten the recovery I was hoping to get. As an added bonus I've left the house twice in the past week for short jaunts out and back. Needless to say, cabin fever has hit all of us, and I think we are starting to get on each others nerves, Maybe just a little bit. The girls are bored. I'm bored. I'm bored because I'm sick. I'm bored because I don't have any energy to do anything because I'm sick. I'm bored because I have been resting so much, I'm no longer tired enough to sleep, yet I am still mysteriously, completely exhausted. I'm bored because I've watched so much TV that it feels like my eyeballs are going to start to bleed. So tonight I decided to change it up and trade one time suck for another. I got on Facebook. I checked out a friend's status. You know the rest of the story.

The Internets got me.

And it was nothing worthwhile, I guarantee. In fact it was so mind numbing I thought I'd share it with you people. I started with a link to dance steps for a video. Why did I click on it? I have no good explanation.

Then I went to this parody:



And then to this one:



Next there came this:



Now with this one, there are a couple of things that amaze me about this clip. 1. Someone actually thought that filming their TV and then posting it on YouTube was a good idea, and 2. Over 600,000 people have watched this clip. Amazing, absolutely amazing.



And then finally this.



And now not only are my eyeballs bleeding, but my brain and bum have gone completely numb. I hope you people appreciate what I have done for you.

Sigh, I hate being sick. We all better get well soon.

Pardon My Absence

Last week was a rough week. I have been having bad, ongoing headaches. I was amazed I was even able to make it through the week. The headaches have been almost non-stop for almost two weeks now. I'm attributing it to a new medication that is supposed to help with the ringing in my ears. I'm off of the medication now, so we'll see if it makes a difference. This weekend the headaches kicked into full gear and I was wholly miserable. At church on Sunday I managed to make it through the first two hours alright, but when Sacrament meeting started, the combo of the microphone, the organ and the horrible lights just made me have to leave. Immediately. The headache had morphed into a migraine. Now I have had exactly one migraine in my life. It was the kind to make you ask for your life to be mercifully ended quickly. This one was not as bad. Not even close to what my dear friend Prone deals with either. Still bad though. I spent most of Sunday in my bedroom with the drapes drawn and the lights off. So I beg your mercy and hope you haven't given up on me.

Love,
32 Flavors

Endurance & Gratitude

This has been a rough week for me. I had yet another doctor's appointment where I was hoping for some good news. Yet again I was let down. It seems that I might have contracted a virus while in Mexico that somehow did something to my inner ear when I passed out. The doctor just doesn't know. Good news, no permanent damage, so hopefully the hearing loss in my right ear is only temporary. Bad news, the dizziness and tinnitus might continue on for another 6 months. I could tell the doctor was just throwing a number out there for me. He has no real way of knowing how long it will take to recover or if I will even recover completely. Yee haw. So excuse my word vomit and indulge me yet again...

Elder Robert E. Wells:

“I have been flying many kinds of aircraft for the last 30 years, both in the United States and in Latin American countries. Not too long ago when I had returned to the [United] States after an absence of some years, a very dear friend offered me the use of his new [airplane]. …


“We discussed my qualifications of being covered under his insurance policy, and it turned out that I needed a check ride with a qualified inspector as it had been some time since I had flown that particular type of plane.

“The arrangements were made, and I met the inspector at the side of the airplane at the appointed hour with my licenses from the USA, Argentina, Paraguay, and Ecuador, and logbooks showing flights in Cessna 310s across jungles, mountains, deserts, international boundaries, etc. He smiled calmly but was unimpressed and said, ‘I’ve heard about you, and I have no doubt about how much flying you have done, but I have to assume that those flights were when nothing went wrong. Now let’s fire up this bird and see how well you fly it when everything goes wrong!’


“For the next hour he made everything go wrong! He simulated every emergency he could think of. He turned things off that should have been on. He turned things on that should have been off. He tried to create disorientation or panic. He really wanted to know how well I could fly when everything did go wrong! In the end he climbed out, signed my logbook, and announced, ‘You’re okay. …’

“One of the purposes of this life is to be tested, tried, and proven to see how well we will serve the Lord. The Prophet Joseph [Smith] said that we would be tested to see if we would serve and remain faithful through all hazards. We knew before we came that there would be many adverse circumstances to test us: accidents, sickness, and disease to prove us; temptations and distractions to try us; disappointments, discouragements, reverses, failures, and all kinds of situations to determine our character. …


“The question still is: How well can you fly it when everything goes wrong? How well can you live when every test, every trial, every proof of your faithfulness is exacted of you?”

I told this story Relief Society while teaching a lesson on adversity. I had forgotten about it until a few days ago while I was reviewing the last few months. I am nowhere near being out of this trial yet, but I am most definitely not in the darkest days of it, or so I assume. Let's hope not. I have been told that there will be lessons that I will gain from this experience. I am grateful that I have not had to wait until this trial was over and long gone before I could reflect and receive some insight.

During some of my hardest days, I truly questioned myself. I had huge amounts of guilt because of my inability to take care of my family, I still do. I would lay on the couch during the day thinking of everything I should have been doing. I couldn't cook. I couldn't drive. I couldn't even make it off the couch some days to let my girls play outside. Sometimes I would want to pull my hair out and tear my skin to pieces when the dizziness got out of control. It was then that I realized my illness was affecting my sanity. This has been a very trying time for me. I go. I do. I run a tight ship. I have to, it's part of who I am. This has forced me to let go of pretty much everything. All at once. Oh yeah, trials are fun. What was the other thing that I taught in that lesson? That sometimes things happen to you for no good reason at all. Nice.

I recognize that I am such a Martha (Biblical, not Stewart). Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Martha had sat down to listen to Jesus instead of prepare the meal. I'm sure some guy there (not Jesus obviously) would have been grumbling that there was no food. In my role as a mom I quite often get caught up in my Martha role because that is basically what I do each day. Clean, feed, repeat. But I forget that even though someone, sometimes, maybe even often, might have to do the dirty work, it doesn't always have to be me. My kids (and husband) are much more capable than I thought. True it might not be to my standards, but I have been learning to accept that. Ok, so I have to force myself to turn my back while R is vacuuming, but then everything is fine after that.

I recognize that it is part of who I am and that is fine. I think that one of the things I needed to learn is when to choose the better part. I have a hard time with that one. Because while I am having fun, in the back of my head I'm thinking about everything that isn't getting done. Once I was forced to drop everything for a while (quite a while to be sure), I found other things to take their place. Some more important things, some less important things. I am reassessing the priorities in my life and trying to choose the better part even if it is in 5 minute increments. But what matters most is that I have been able to release Martha's death-grip on me. Now Martha & I are just holding hands. Handcuffed to be sure, but holding hands.

So while maybe I haven't aced this flying test, I haven't failed it either. I still have a chance to show that I can do same dang good flying when there is some pretty bad turbulence ahead. So what if the oxygen masks dropped and some luggage got thrown around? No one was hurt, right? Hopefully my passengers aren't afraid to fly with me again.

The End.

Me and my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

First, I need to apologize for my harsh language the other day. I was having a really bad day. And I couldn't wear my jammies to make me feel even a little bit better. They were in the wash.

The day started off fine, I went to another doctor's appointment. Doctor number five to be precise. The doctor that two other doctors referred me too. The doctor that took me FOREVER to get an appointment with. But that is another story. I was excited to go see this doctor because he was a SPECIALIST'S SPECIALIST. Basically, he only dealt with problems similar to mine and a few other things. I didn't get my hopes up too high, but I was trying to be optimistic. After all he was a SPECIALIST'S SPECIALIST. (I promise I won't say it again in caps.)

So I get there, tell my story for what must have been the umpteenth time to an M.A. (Umpteenth is a number, just go look it up if you don't believe me.) Then I get to tell it again to the doctor. Redundant. Why did I tell the M.A. in the first place? But I have asked this question too many times to let it bother me yet again. So we are doing the doctor/patient thing and he's talking about all these tests he is going to do, tricks he has up his sleeves, blah, blah, blah...then he says the magic words, I'd like to do an MRI first.

Wait.

I've already had an MRI. Did they miss something? Is there something else he wants them to check out?

No.

My stupid doctor's office DIDN'T transfer my records over.

Nice.

Especially when it was the DOCTOR that told me she would have my records sent over to the new doctor. The buck stops with you lady and this is not a good sign of how you run your practice. You suck. (I'm reverting to grade-school insults.)

Did I mention how long it took me to get in to see this guy?

So, I'm trying hard to keep my cool and not explode all over this doctor. Like the Incredible Hulk. And I try to esplain (I'm leaving this typo in) to him my frustration about what a waste of time (and money) it was to come see him today, calmly. He offers a few apologies about "Medical practice red-tape, negligence, blah, blah, blah." Whatever.

It's just my life. NO big deal. I can hold on and wait for another few days. Wait, that is what this whole process has been, I can just hold on for another few days while I wait YET AGAIN because of some mistake or oversight. ARGH. Don't think that I am being irrational here. I understand it takes time to get in to see a doctor, to get test results back, answer phone messages etc, etc, etc. But the mistakes have just happened too many times over the last few months. The only way I get through each day and hold onto my sanity is based on when the next doctor's appointment is, when the lab work results come back, anticipating a phone call etc. It's like my own little Advent calender in my head. 6 days to go, pop another chocolate in my mouth, go to bed.

Did I mention they are weening me off of the medication that makes me feel better? It's only a "short-term" medication. It doesn't "solve the problem", it only "masks" it. Whatever, I felt a whole lot better on it than I do today.

So that threw my whole day into a downward spiral. I went straight to Krispy Kreme, bought some doughnuts (no numbers needed) and ate them. Then I laid on the couch and slept.

The one thing I forgot about was that a few weeks prior my husband had paid for me to get a massage. And it was that night. Let me tell you, that hour made all the difference and washed away the whole day's worth of garbage. I felt soooo good afterwards. And I came home to clean jammies.

Lessons learned: must get a massage every day. Need to buy back-up pair of jammies.

P.S. Sorry for all the cap usage. I'll do better next time.

@#$$&*&@!$%

More to come later.

Guess What I Am Wearing Right Now?

Yep, my new pyjamas. They definitely don't qualify as new now. But here's the best part. Do you know why I'm wearing them? Because I have found someone to CARPOOL with. I know, I'll give you a minute to you settle down. I am ecstatic too.

I have been bound and determined this year to find carpool, especially because I am not well. Driving to school isn't my favorite thing, but I'll do it if I have to. It also hasn't helped that I don't like driving right now. I'll do it, but then I need a two-hour nap afterwards. So I found out through a friend (of a friend of a friend) that there was a women who had a daughter going into 1st grade just like R. But she only knew the daughter's first name and that they lived fairly close to us.

Side note: We have shipped R off to another school district because we just liked the other school district better.

So back to my super-sleuthing. I was bound and determined to find this child. So I got out R's yearbook, found this girl, found out what class she was in, and watched day in, day out for her when school let out(I wasn't stalking). Unfortunately, her school picture wasn't that great, so I wasn't sure what she really looked like. Then one day it happened. Just by chance, she happened to be walking down the hall with her lunch box and HER NAME was written on the lunch box! (She looked nothing like her picture) Oh joy! I had found her. So the next day I waited around, followed her (I wasn't stalking, I was determined), and met her mom. She had a car big enough to fit not just R but P as well (I know that is next year, but a girl has to have something to look forward to). The rest is history.

The blessings continue. I have a friend at P's preschool who is willing to bring P home for me while I am convalescing.

Grand total: So now instead of ten trips to R's school each week, I only have to make five. P's school? Three less trips. I went from thirteen trips a week to five trips a week. But who's counting?

More jammie time for me!

Illness, or Check Out the Souvenir I Brought Home From Mexico!

Please don't think that this is a whiny "I want attention and sympathy post." This is cathartic for me and is helping me to get through what I am dealing with currently.

In July our family went on our first "real" vacation. Ie, somewhere we had to fly to. We choose to go to Cancun & Cozumel. I was excited, but was nervous for a variety of different reasons:

I hadn't flown in 8 years.

The girls had never flown before.

It was a long flight (8-12 hours). Would the kids melt down?

It was a foreign country, with kids.

I don't speak Spanish. Je parle francais.

Um, tourista? (the fashionable new term for Montezuma's)

Someone would kidnap my children. (Seriously)

All this from the girl who lived out of a backpack in France for 3 1/2 months. Mainly it was about the kids, though. As many of you know if the kids aren't happy, well, you know....

I prepared, got every medication possible, got a couple of guide books, a mini-dictionary and read every warning about travelling in Mexico. The biggest thing I prepared for was "tourista". I knew it was a possible vacation-breaker, especially if the kids got it. I had the ways to avoid getting it ingrained in my head:

No fresh fruits or veggies. That meant no ceviche!

Bottled drinks only.

No tap water, don't even brush your teeth with tap water.

Eat only cooked food. Again, no ceviche!

The one exception was that you could drink tap water if it had been boiled for something like 15 minutes.

Enter Chichen Itza.

We took a tour to Chichen Itza (a Mayan pyramid complex). We had a fabulous time, a great tour guide (Senor Tortuga) and would recommend for others to go see it. I am a history geek, so this hit the spot for me. Human sacrifice, ancient history, plus it is one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Seriously, how cool is that? Oh, and we saw a rattlesnake.

Side note: the kids were not really interested in the tour (big surprise!) so they pretty much layed on the ground in the shade. Our tour guide talked & talked & talked for two hours. He talked about human sacrifice at one point and used himself as the example. At the end of the tour, R asks me if he was really going to climb to the top of the temple and sacrifice himself. Glad to know she retained something. I think she was a little disappointed when I said he would not be sacrificing himself.

So after we were done, we got to go to this amazing restaurant for some regional Mayan food. Yum. And weird. Mainly yum. So in my head I am going through my mantra, "no fruit, no veggies..." you get the point. Well, at one point I had some soup, which had definitely not been boiled for 15 minutes. In my head at this moment, all I'm thinking is "yum, more food." No warning lights are going off. It was to be our downfall. Thankfully the kids wouldn't touch the stuff.

My "Last Supper"

In the wee hours of the morning it hit me. Oh joy. So at one point I was sitting down, and I pass out. And land on my head. Thankfully I landed in a pile of clothes and wasn't hurt. Just unconscious for who knows how long. I landed with my head kinked and hiney in the air. How undignified.

Thanks to my super-mom genes I was only sick for about 12 hours.

So for the rest of our trip I was ok. I had mild motion-sickness which I attributed to being in/on the water a lot, the airplane ride, the heat and being super busy. So we came home and I figured it would take a little while to recover, but I kept getting progressively worse. It started out as major fatigue, occasional dizziness and occasional ringing in my ears. Over the weeks it has gotten worse. Constant dizziness and tinnitus (the fancy word for ringing in your ears) and I have seen 4 doctors and all the fun stuff that comes with seeing them. Results: uh? "It's not a tumor." (Say it with an accent, it helps). They still don't know what is wrong with me.

I have only recently received some relief in the form of medication. It helps with the dizziness quite a bit, but not the ringing in my ears. Which is great, but it also makes me a super tired sleeping blob and I still have a hard time sleeping at night. Oh, and I can only use it for a couple of weeks. Go figure.

Which is why I decided to finally start this blog. I needed an outlet. And to find humor and lessons from this all. And something to occupy me at midnight when I want to sleep but I can't because I took a four hour drug-induced nap (true story). Insomnia rocks.

Side note: I went and bought myself the most comfortable pajamas I have EVER owned. So I could at least be comfortable in my misery. I have worn them everyday for the last week and a half. They are that good.

The End.

Me in my new pajamas and a can of brown paint in the background.

Don't you want to know what it is for?