We Have a 187 in Progress...

...5 victims, 4 female, 1 gender unknown.

We have 2 possible suspects in custody at this time. Each suspect says the other is responsible for the crime. We have photos of the crime scene and none of the evidence has been tampered with or removed from the scene.

It's just gonna be one of those months people...

After reading my posts for a while, you may come to think I am a bit odd. I am. You would be too if your world looked like this some days. On the one hand, I look like Rebecca Romijn for the first time in my life. On the other hand, the children look like evil minions. Which is so unlike their true angelic personalities.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

This is what that means to me. And no, those are not my legs. Grow baby, grow!

Dreams

As of late I have been dreaming heavily and remembering my dreams. They have all been a little on the slightly crazy side. What dreams aren't though?

So here is a rundown of some of my more interesting dreams:

1. I dreamt I was one of Barack Obama's daughters. I was getting a wardrobe makeover a la Sarah Palin. We also rode around in a beater pickup truck and Daddy Barack was wearing overalls.

2. I was in the Middle East against my will. Pretty much like Sally Fields in "Not Without My Daughter." Complete with all the melodrama and burquas as well.

3. Dreamt that a Winco was built a block from my house. Sad I know, but I was soooo happy when I woke up.

4. I went to my Ob's office with a friend to get Botox. Because I was sick. The friend will remain unnamed because she was getting Botox done as well. And she reads my blog.

5. Fighting space aliens. Including fist fights, jumping walls, flying, etc. I think I might have been Will Smith, although I never got a good look at myself.

So now for the piece de resistance. This one isn't so much a weird dream as a dream I have had many times. Meaning at least 20 times in the last few years.

The dream is always the same. I know that I am married, and I know that I have kids, but I am in my senior year of college. I am moving into the house that I lived in during that year, although my roommates are different. Sort of like the guys from Animal House, completely undesirable and male. I am struggling to get unpacked and get ready for school, I just can't seem to get anything done.

Flash to the first day of school. I can't seem to make it to the HUB to get my class schedule and when I do get it, I have already missed several classes and am late for my next class. I try getting to that class but for some reason I can't find the classroom. I finally get there and class is over. I then have to make my way back to the HUB to get my code to open my mailbox. This is really important for some reason. I get the code, accidently forget it and the mail people won't give me the code again.

This is where I freak out in the dream and wake up. I've been picking it apart for a long time and could use some fresh insight. I always try to address what might be nagging me at the time or what I'm struggling to get done, but I still have this dream. Any thoughts on this dream?

Favorites

I know I'm not supposed to play favorites. I'm supposed to love them both equally, but I just can't. Bad of me, I know. I feel guilty that I can't give them both the same amount of love and attention. It's just too hard. I focus more of my energy on the one I like better. I know that if I just gave the other one more love, more attention that maybe I might learn to appreciate them more.

I just don't think I can.

So, I think I just need to get it out and say it -

I love one of them more than the other.







My eyebrows that is.

Proof that I am not crazy...

So, for the longest time I have loved Wheat Thins. They are by far my most favorite cracker ever. They are a staple in our house, they almost qualify as another food group. From where I am sitting right now, I can see 3 1/2 Costco-size boxes of Wheat Thins. Yum. Too bad my retainer is in right now...

For quite a while I have thought that there was a difference in taste between the Costco Wheat Thins and grocery store Wheat Thins. Everyone I know thinks I'm crazy. They tell me they can't tell the difference. For the longest time I held out and would only buy grocery store Wheat Thins because I could tell the difference.

My mom was over last week and had some Costco Wheat Thins to snack on. She asked if they were the low-fat kind. It was a blind taste-test, I swear. She told me they tasted different.

One more thing to knock off my "See, I'm not crazy list."

Or, my mom is just as crazy as me.

Of Hangers and Toilet Paper

As I was doing some quick clean-up around the house the other day and making my Costco shopping list, I had an epiphany about a couple of my many quirks.

First off is toilet paper. I remember many a times growing up we would be low, really, really low on toilet paper. In a house with 6 people that creates a potential for disaster. Now, as an adult, I have found that I have to have no less than two (2!) Costco size packages of toilet paper in my house. One of them must be unopened and when the other gets below half full, I buy another package. So sometimes that makes 3 packages at home. What a freak.

Second is hangers. We also had a hanger shortage for quite a while at home. I remember sneaking into other closets at home and stealing any empty hangers and whisking them back to my closet. Where they would promptly be stolen back when empty. So now, in my kids closet I must have triple the amount of hangers that they need. As for myself, I must have two dozen empty hangers in a spare closet. We had a roommate who moved out recently and asked if we needed any extra hangers. Yes, please. I inspected the bag that she left us, there must be at least a hundred hangers in it. SCORE!

I shall never go without again.

Indulge Me...

I've had a bad couple of days and have not felt well, and, well, I think the craziness level is getting a leetle too high right now. So, indulge me.

When I was in college, I was a DJ for the college radio station - KWRS, Spokane's only Pirate radio. We used to joke that it had less wattage than a light bulb. You could hear the station on campus, several blocks away from campus and on a good day, from Mt. Spokane. It was awesome to play radio DJ for a couple of hours a week. I still have some old cassette tapes (just saying the word makes me feel old) of my shows. I loved my show, it was called The Happy Hour. But that is besides the point. I was introduced to a whole new world of music that I had never been exposed to before. People like Michelle Shocked, Ween, Barenaked Ladies, Bjork, Rusted Root, Dar Williams and Ani DiFranco. One song I heard made an impact on me, 32 Flavors by Ani DiFranco.

I had been struggling with identity issues for quite a while. You could say that the teen years had been difficult for me, and the jump from high school to college was even more so. In high school I was easily defined by what I did. Smart kid, band geek, Christian, yearbook editor, swimmer, over-achiever. Each of those things firmly defined me and shaped who I was, what I did, who I was friends with, etc. But there was conflict in some of those terms that I struggled to reconcile. I thought every aspect of myself had to fit into one neat, tidy package.

When I came to college everything that defined me was stripped away one by one. I was average now, one of many over-achievers and I found it not so easy to juggle activities and my responsibilities. I also questioned heavily the concept of being a Christian and God. I heard 32 Flavors for the first time my sophomore year of college while I was deeply unhappy with myself.

I love this song because it has quite a few different messages that I get out of it. What I think I love the most about this song is the message about self-realization/acceptance. A woman is a complex creature, and I am amazed at all the things women are capable of doing. We have layers (flavors), some so deep inside us that most people (including ourselves) don't get to see them often (if ever). We need to embrace and celebrate the flavors that make us unique and create contrast in us - those things that make us individuals. We need to accept that we are not perfect, that we are flawed. Not to let that inhibit us, but let us grow and move forward.

So, this song was covered by Alana Davis in the late 90's, it might sound familiar. As for Ani, she looks pretty scary. Someone should have told her fake fluorescent feathers is not a good hairstyle for her. You know, the kind that come attached to cheap cowboy hats. (How judgemental of me, bad, bad, bad.)

As for the present day, I don't struggle as much with the things that define me. I spend less time trying to reconcile them and more time embracing them, realizing that I am complex and flawed. And wonderful.

This song is called Present/Infant.

This song embodies what I think causes so many women to have struggle. As a mother now, I hope I can instill in my daughters such self-confidence, acceptance and strength that they will make it through the difficult years joyful and confident. That they will not let the world outside try to project the idea that you're never pretty enough, popular enough, thin enough, clever enough..... That they will be content to smile and enjoy themselves the way they are. That they'll never be caused to doubt themselves and their true divine nature. During General Conference (bi-annual general meeting of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gave a talk called, "Concern for the One". I was supposed to teach this talk in Church on Sunday, but I just am not able to pull it together in front of a whole class of women right now. Which is probably why I'm rambling right now. I really loved this talk and really wanted to teach this lesson. Aneeewho, enough. Something Elder Wirthlin said has stuck with me this last six months and I have really tried to embrace it.

He said "Some are lost because they are different. They feel as though they don’t belong. Perhaps because they are different, they find themselves slipping away from the flock. They may look, act, think, and speak differently than those around them and that sometimes causes them to assume they don’t fit in. They conclude that they are not needed. Tied to this misconception is the erroneous belief that all members of the Church should look, talk, and be alike. The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole. This variety of creation itself is a testament of how the Lord values all His children. He does not esteem one flesh above another, but He “inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; . . . all are alike unto God."

Here is a link to the complete talk he gave.

So, like I said, thanks for indulging me and letting me get the craziness that is floating around in my head out.

The End.